Monday, January 28, 2008
5:26 PM
Felt that I should share my personal experience in following Jesus...hope it can be an encouragement to those who are reading this to follow Jesus with all their heart, soul and might! Then to discover what God wants you to do presently! I really do hope the next generation of people to learn from my mistakes, if you can don't do them, you can use your Youth for God!
History
First of all my history...
I'm in church for more than 6 years. When I first started out, I was often extreme, forced my conviction on others. For example, I would say to another person you MUST do this...do that. Then I would say "The Lord says" when the Lord didn't say at all! I often do the right things, but with a wrong motive or wrong heart. Like aiming for leadership positions for personal gain, glory.
Let me share that I consider an honor and privilege to be in this TP-ministry. It is really not my hard work or sincerity to earn God's grace. But it is really by God's grace, I was given a chance to serve God in this ministry.
How it started?
I was really a hardcore computer addict, I would often say I wanted to pledge my life to God, but keeping my love for computer games, has often cause me to stumble in my prayer life. Sometimes because of computer games, I would say at home not going to church. Computer games would interupt my prayer life. Often I play than pray. Funny thing is I often lie to my self but telling myself, 1 more round until I pray, or until 2am then I pray....
Eventually I came to a point I was so sick and tired of my life and my addiction. I remember it was 12am++ that night. In a middle of a game, I threw my mouse(...not the real one) aside in frustration, then close the game and shut down the computer immediately. I was really sick of my life, I went to bed with a alot of mixed feelings in my heart.
I couldn't sleep, I got out of my bed after my mum left my room, I went on my knees with tears flooding out of my eyes. I made a prayer that I knew I couldn't have prayed myself (Thank God for the Holy Spirit!). The prayer was:
"I feel like a broken sword before You...
Would You give me another chance again?
Forge me, Hammer me, Put me in the burning furnance
That I can your sword
That I wouldn't lose my cutting edge
To make a cut in this generation
That I can be a sword to be used by God
So is computer games wrong? I really love *this or that*, is it wrong?
The bible says, God has created all things for good. There is really nothing wrong with computer games or the things you love like shopping or golfing. What is really wrong is often the addiction to it, that casues your walk with God(for example prayer, and obedience to God's word, reading the bible) to be compromised.
God really wants to change you, except He can't change you unless you live a surrendered life to God.
You mentioned an encouter with God? Must I have a 'THUNDERSTORM' experience in order to become what God wants you to be?
I remember after that experience, I received a word through a friend (who is my discipler now) that I'm like a Prodigal Son (luke 15:11 onwards). After spending all the wealth I've received (in this case gifts and talents God has given me), I'm finally returned to God, asking not to be a King's son, but rather start again from the lowest servant.
Seriously 'THUNDERSTORM' experience may or may not come to every individual, it's up to God's sovereignty. If we refer to the bible, usually it happens! Moses burning bush experience, Paul's encounter with Jesus. I believe such experiences are like memorial stones, for you to remember by and to share as a testimony like Apostle Paul did.
So It Begins...
Thank God for blogs! When I look back from now and my previous blog entries, it was really a time of moulding and refining! Many times I fall and fail, I've got to learn how to get out of self-pity about letting God down...letting people down...
I used to go all out in order to get the Cell Group Leader's Helper position, I did everything possible, gave my all. In the end another person who recently joined the church, came and took it over! I was completely stunned and at the same time growing hatred for this person!
God really does things in a way you never expect to change you. I become his DISCIPLE! The VERY person who took away the position I've hope for! Well, seriously at this time, I've already given up everything including positions and power. I'll settle for anything God gives me.
It was a period of alot of tryings and failings. Alot of times learning how to get up after I fell down. Especially in my area of pride and submission to leaders. On a few of these occassions I would turn to computer games than to God for comfort. Also once in awhile, my emotions would get the better of me after I fall down, thinking I let God down, let people down, I thought I missed it and God given up on me. I was dealt with in my hunger for positions, praise from people. Cleaning up my wrong desires with right actions into right desires/motives with right actions. I shifted from work & results focued to God-focued. It's all about Jesus! Really! It was really a heart clean-up! It takes REAL God to change a REAL person!
Wow! That's alot you went through! How did you have the assurance God not given up on You?
I always remember when I fall, the devil would always remind me of these verse where esau traded his birthright for a bowl of soup. Everytime I fell, I was keep being reminded of that, I thought I've given up my calling for a moment of pleasure. I got really a hard time to get out of it. Until I learn about God's grace and love is really beyond what we think. It's really not God's grace has ran out, but rather our trust in God's grace has ran out.
Recently I read interesting article reading God's grace. It's like a baby falling down, when a baby falls down is the baby disqualified being a human? I believe God knows our weaknesscess and shortcoming. Our fall is nothing new to God nor surprises Him. He has already prepared a way out. Falling down doesn't disqualify us from being a citizen of God!
Does that mean I can keep making the same mistake over and over again?
I believe God's grace should never be taken for granted. Every chance we are given by God should be taken seriously, make action plan to deal with it! Esau's story shouldn't be taken to the extreme, but rather as a serious reminder that God's calling in our life shouldn't be taken lightly!
Like what the bible says, Grace should encourage you to do good! Grace has taught me to love the word of God with obedience! Cheap grace encourages evil, True Grace encourages good!
How do you know if the person is sent from God and can become your discipler?
If you are willing, and give your best to God. God can really send anyone He wants, but I think Discipler should qualify according to the bible. Must love God, must not always be self-centered, MUST OBEY the word of God, leading a good example, consistant in character. You must know that discipler or leaders are still human, at time they show their human side like Elijah emtional side of him and King Saul's armor bearer - David. Don't give up, but rather continue to stay by his side to support him. You are supporting each other to grow! I'm my discipler's armor bearer. That also means I'm also by his side to defend him and guard him with my life.
I also believe showing RESPECT to God's annointed and authorities is important. After all they are sent by God, whether they are perfect or not. Even if they are outrightly wrong, you correct them with RESPECT! If have no respect for people God has sent, how will God appoint them over your life?
Have you 'REACHED' and become the person God wants you to be?
Definately NO! I believe it's the same for everyone too! I also don't wanna come to the point where I thought I'm 'Perfect'. Reason being; that prevents me from further growth! Those who desire to grow more in the Lord should ALWAYS keep their hearts and minds open! You'll never know when God shows up and bring changes!
What was the hardest thing during those periods of moulding?
I would say keep on trying again and again after letting God down. And to believe God, He'll give you another chance again and again.
*****PART 2*****
Presently
Presently, I'm still in this school, believing this year will be lots of changes for harvest time! I've noticed overtime, that the devil usually employs the same tactic with very slight varations. I guess this is because he doesn't have a creative mindset. I'll list some dangers, obstacles I face, who knows what you may learn out of it!
Always and always beware of competition!
I'm always in hunger for leadership position (usually a common trend in guys), I really got a hard time out of it. This is usually one of devil's favourite tactics to cause DISUNITY! If the devil can't take you out individually, he'll set you guys up against each other, especially those hunger for power. I remember the common thoughts that fills my mind was "Beware of this person! He's rising up and taking over your position!" "Look at the way he/she preach, you can do better!"
God was very stern with me in this area. I've learn to got out of it only when I finally accept we are building God's kingdom, not our kingdom! It doesn't really matter who takes the leadership position or not. God has given each and everyone a role unique to you, leader or not. Probably that's how we cover the WHOLE earth with our prayers/works/ministry.
BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!
This is the most used tactic and favourite of the devil. Your prayer life strong? good! Got ministry? Good! I'll wear you out! The devil will keep you so busy even with 'Godly works' even christian ministry to wear you out! It's good to be busy for the right things! But what is the source of your ministry? - Your love for God!
My personal guideline is if I'm too busy to pray, I'll cut down all other activities until my prayer life is restored. Usually, this kind of busyness causes your prayer life to suffer, your relationship with God to be affected. Too tired to read the bible and to pray is usually the case. Emotional / Physical tireness causes you to lose track, cos you lose concentration and can't see as well.
I finally understood what God meant by "What's the use of gaining the whole world, but to lose your soul?"
Opportunities OVERLOAD!
I always thought having alot of opportunities are good. Until I realize they are so many until the REAL opportunity is covered from my sight. Say for example, I'm reaching out to 2 friends. All of sudden, it seems like my whole list of friends start looking for me. Yes, and all of sudden, I got so many opportunities to outreach that I lost focus of my 2 friends.
Stay FOCUSED! Staying focused is like a concentrated laser beam, penetrate into the future, writing your name on it(future).
Make a mistake? Keep it to yourself!
Some mistakes are really really no big deal to God. The devil comes by and make you feel as if you own the whole world money or the other way round. The best way to get out of this is really submission to your leaders! And always, always coffess it to God and ask for forgiveness before it grows into a bigger problem! Whenever I'm feeling low, I would e-mail/write to my leader and tell them about it. To let them pray for me and get out of it. They are good leaders who help me to know if I'm going the right direction.
Faliures and mistakes are part and parcel of following Jesus
I often fail in this. Everytime I fall or make a mistake. I would run away like Peter did in the bible. Don't dwell in your-self pity, self-pity IS NOT part of growth! Dwelling in self-pity only causes delays to your calling! Confess your mistakes to God, repent, hurry up and move on! God is OK with you making mistakes big or small, as long as you lift it up to Him and to the best of your ability not to repeat it again.(This also applies if you make the same mistake X number of times.)
Being spiritual doesn't mean God will speak to You all the time!
I often wanted God to speak to me as much as possible in order for me to get a clear sense of where I'm going. I realized, God wastes no words. He'll only speak to you when necessary. He requires you to put your FAITH and trust in Him, that is, even if you don't see His hand, you trust His heart that God has the best interest for you. Keep on praying, reading bible and fast. A loving Father will never abandon His children!
Are you stuck? No more room for growth?
I think I'll never be able to forget this one. After I rededicated my life to God (as above). At one point I found myself really stuck, and not growing anymore. I wondered what was wrong and kept praying. Didn't really help much until I tried something DIFFERENT
I remembered I wanted to make a difference in TP. So I would go to each faculty's(4 faculty in my school) toilet to pray EVERYDAY!(except weekeneds) Within a month, I was able to figure out which toilet in the whole school can give you the most privacy and the best smelling toilet in my school.
After a some months, I decided to move out of toilets and pray on the concourse level after school everyday (again, except weekends). That's how I figured out it takes 250 steps from the beginning of business/IT/Science school to the end of it. It's really fun though! Now next batch of TRP harvesters are going to do what I used to do!
Now, on top of that I'm now doing my own personal quiet time at a new place...It's a secret! I don't want anyone to disrupt my quiet time with God!
Always try something DIFFERENT when you feel that you are not growing!
It's really all about Jesus!
I remember I used to work so hard, doing all the 'Christian' things. So much I forgot who and what I was doing for. Always remember Love for God >>> Ministry NOT ministry >>> God. Your love for God should compel you to serve His people in ministry NOT the other way round.
A good example is marriage. A husband was asked "How's marriage?" The husband replied "It was all good! We got big houses, cars, wife and children have more than enough food!" Next the wife was asked "How's marriage?" The wife replied "It was terrible! My husband gave us alot, but was busy all the time and spent no time with us!"
The wife is really right! Marriage is not all about works! It's about relationship and quality time! Same goes for your relationship with God! It's not all about ministry! It's how close are you with God!
*****PART 3*****
Realize there is nothing wrong with you if you are praying less than mr.X!
I used to pray with my group of friends, carrying a mindset "Hey, you need to pray for this...this...this..." I come to realize, I couldn't come into agreement in prayer because I was constantly carrying this mindset.
Please realize that there is nothing wrong if you, if your fellow friend can pray for 2hrs and you can't. It does not mean that you are not doing well! God always put something at a level you can handle.
I got a fellow sister who prays really different from me although we are praying for the same item. But she's not offended on how I pray nor I'm offended on how she prays. By praying for different things is good! Generally we can cover really everything on the same item!
Prayer shouldn't always follow HARDCORE guideline, using prayer list as a guide is fine. But HARDCORE over-relying on it leaves little room for the Holy Spirit to take charge. Be natural in your prayer, you'll find it alot easier to flow with the Holy Spirit naturally!
His Ministry IS NOT EQUALS to your ministry
My discipler sometimes would call up some of the members and pray with them. I understand and know that's God's calling for him. So I'm not offended that he's doing more than me, nor I'm trying to catch up by doing the same.
I'm more towards praying for my school. He isn't offended that I'm paying more attention to praying for my school than anything else!
I DO NOT MEAN BEING INDEPENDENT FROM EACH OTHER! I mean you stay FOCUS and there's nothing wrong supporting each other.
I believe God has a BIG ministry and He divides and gives each one different calling and different things to pray for. I think that's how our prayers and ministry covers the whole earth!
Come before God...HONESTLY!
I remember I was so stuck in computer games that I came before God and prayed "God! I really love computer games more than I love You, I'm sorry that I couldn't give up on it!" All the while I was giving God 'hidden' loyalty. Outside it looks as if I'm surrendering fully to God, inside I got other agenda. By God's grace, He's changing me in this area. I would say I love to be in God's presence more and more!
Keep God in your plan!
I plan my timetable weekly, I put it in a way God always have room to make changes. I could always replace my timetable with sudden prayer meetings, or some really urgent cases. Check your timetable also! Is your timetable so fixed there isn't room for God to make changes?
*****PART 4*****
It's not about how much you give into people's life, christian works, ministry, how much you give in offerings! Really it's OBEDIENCE!
I got a pretty good testimony on this! Few months back, I was doing quite well.....well until God asked me to surrender this area of my life to Him. Take note during this period of time, I was ACTIVELY serving in cell group, children church ministry, giving beyond 10% in tithes. I really gave alot! My first response to God was "God I give you everything! But why Warb00k!? (an facebook application)" You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know money, life, ministry holds more value than warbook! I give everything just except warbook, cos I love playing it! To the point that it is 'eating' into my prayer life! Well, I eventually gave in....let go and let God.
Your EMOTIONS will take CHARGE if you don't take CHARGE of your emotions!
After I dedicated my life to God, I remember there was one time I really hated this brother, I REALLY wanted to kill him. His sudden On-fire for God really made me so mad! God kept dealing with me in this emotion area. I cry out to God and said "God, you given me a chance again, I cannot afford to hate this brother and destroy the unity and fellowship. GOD PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY!" It took a number of times before God really took it away!
Be really careful in this area! Don't emotions take charge of you! Take CHARGE of your emotions! Surrender it to God! Your love for God SHOULDN'T ALWAYS be based on emotions, but on CONVICTION! That means you choose to God and not give up on God even if you don't feel like it!
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Friday, January 25, 2008
9:20 PM
I did this test long ago...just lazy and didn't want others to read me...well I can only say most are accurrate not all.
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
9:51 PM
I answered a interesting questionaire recently...one of the questions was:
"If you are drowning and you see a boat nearby, how many people do you see on the boat?"
"I answered 4" (Father God,Tthe Son Jesus, The Holy Spirit and Junjie)
The actual answer is 2 (God and Junjie)
Sometimes I wonder if my friends asked themselfs...
If I lose everything today, who will still be there?
Thank God I got the assurance, and VERY SURE who will be there.
Will my friends ever realize I'll be there for them with a sincere heart? Or do I really have to wait for their boat to sink?
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
12:34 AM
I feel that the beginning of a year is a good time to sow seeds. Naturally after a harvest, you don't harvest. You sow seeds, take care of the seeds(and growth) and harvest again. This time I'll play smart! I'll scatter seeds all over and see which ones has potential for growth and work on it! (If you are a farmer, you would do that to right? Why work on a dead seed?)
Year 2007 is an experience for me! Thank God for it! I'm not going to be careless as I used to be!
Expect some changes from me! I'm going to do something DIFFERENT cos I want to make a DIFFERENCE(see the link?)
We change this world not by changing others, but by changing ourselfs through the persuit of excellance.
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Sunday, January 6, 2008
3:15 PM
Hmm...I've got a specific regret on year 2007....I just wish I can change the day 25th Dec 2007....just that 1 day I want to change...If I can live that day all over again...I can live it right! Alas...it's passed....6th of Jan 2008....
I can't change my past...I can only change my present which changes the future...
So I tell myself...
I must go on
1 more year to go....
I must at least make this year right, even if my whole of 2 years are wrong.
Let's go Guanjin...help me Holy Spirit...We're going to make a difference together
I'm not someone great, but just use whatever I have, use it as You please, use it as You will
Let 2008 begin!
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
1:43 AM
Who am I...
That You would know me from the start
Set me apart
Who am I....
That would place eternity
into my heart
You have given to me
More than this world could give
My purpose is found in You
1 life I lay at your altar
1 love, I have with You
Touch me again, fill me as You hold
my outstretched hands
One word, You know I will follow
1 heart broken to You
Use me again, Your mercy follows me
For all my days...
In Your presence, In Your Power
Holy Spirit I surrender...
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Friday, January 4, 2008
4:23 PM
I fell and sink even further....
Throughout this period I've been thinking....things I've done, what I've accomplished. Did I serve to please people? or to please God?
Did I serve for the rewards or because it is for God, my friend? If rewards stop coming, what would I do? Now that I've lost everything, what does He think? The list just goes on...
I realise no matter what I do, or have done. I can either continue this road or go back to him. Is this or that way. So here I am again, picking up the broken pieces and building back my prayer life. There's no promise I'm not going to fall again but heck...I'm still going cos I'm doing it for God, my friend.
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
