Tuesday, September 23, 2008
8:57 PM
I'm really really busy recently, it's not that I do not want to blog, I busy to the point that I couldn't sit down at a place and take 10 breadths.
Honestly I do not know is it because I love my job or is it because of my financial situation as a sole breadwinner that causes me to work so hard without complaining. Or simply because I got less option to choose compared to others
I want to play becuase I work really really really hard, at the same time I do not want to play because of the responsibilities I carry. My friends were jealous of me of my high pay, they saw the amount, but didn't see the feelings that is attached to it. In that sense, I wish I have my feelings removed so that I can focus on my work 100%.
At the same time I'm supressing these feelings to get attention, since I'll end up doing stupid things to get attention. Then sometimes the "beast" nature will stir up within me, it takes quite abit of me to subject it under control. Then comes the feeling of self-pity, wishing some human somewhere in the world to take pity on me. On top of that, I got to put my professional look in the front and put those unprofessional things away. Behind my professional look lies zones and zones of emotional war. I completely DETEST such feelings and attitudes, I wish they can be PURGED from my life!!!
WHo can really understand what I'm going through? I've found none, neither do I find someone going through similiar experiences. All these times, i made it through prayer...remove prayer in my life, I'm finished. Without prayer, my emtoions will go out of control and I'll end up an emotional junk. Prayer is my breadth.
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
4:14 PM
When I was just a young christian...
I asked Jesus what will I be...
Will I be pastor?
Will I be rich?
This is what He said to me:
O my beloved child, whatever will be will be
You'll realize all these..
means nothing to you...
Now I'm a matured christian...
I don't have to ask...what will I be...
Riches or glory
Honor or fame
All these no longer matters to me
O my lord Jesus, I finally understood what you said to me
All these things will pass away...
I just wanna be with You
Eternal-ly
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
Monday, September 1, 2008
12:47 AM
Felt really strange this week. It's like hitting high notes this moment and low notes another moment. Sometimes I would feel the urge for a merge, at this very moment, I would really prefer to be single and alone.
Alot of things running in my mind this week, about work, family, future, merger, business just to name a few. Then abit upset with some of my friends, who always quick to pinpoint my mistakes, until today I never hear them speak about my good points, or how much I sacrifice. Then again, I think, does it really matter? I took a deep breadth and told myself "it's alright". What to do? My job is to love them.It's good to have God there, I think little, and the rest belongs to Him.
1 life to live. Let's live it 4 Jesus.
(man. I need to exercise, my muscles look like lunchen meat)
No matter how complex life is...
I really just want a simple life...
